If It Isn't Love Read online

  “That’s because you weren’t listening,” Christina retorted. “Look, they are showing old school Batman from the 1960s and it’s not as dark as the current movies. Besides, DeShawn loves the library.”

  “And this sudden movie festival has nothing to do with a certain concert going on tomorrow that I already said I didn’t want to attend?” Ingrid raised her right eyebrow a clear sign that she was annoyed. Jason, who saw the roses she’d put behind the counter, took one of the blooms from the vase and held it out to her.

  “If you say/say you care/ then know I will always be there/my heart quakes/my knees shake at the sight of you/keep doing that voodoo that you do,” Jason sang.

  The crowd in the restaurant applauded, even though Jason’s song was a new one. A couple of women whispered to each other, “I wish he was singing to me like that.”

  Ingrid blushed as Jason continued singing a song that she knew was meant only for her. But a rush of conflicting emotions tore through her soul. Attending the concert would bring back memories that she’d been trying to forget for the last three years. How many times had she dressed in her favorite outfits to have Ruby tell her how fat she looked and how she wasn’t good for Jay Slade’s image. How many times had she stood back stage and listened to reporters ask Jason about his romance with Debony Blair?

  “Come on, Ingrid, one night,” he whispered against her ear. The heat from his breath sent a shiver down his spine.

  She released a heavy sigh, “Fine, I’ll go. I have to get back to work, but you owe me the star treatment tomorrow.”

  “I’ll start on that tonight,” he said with a wink. “But before I go, I want something.”

  “In front of all of these people?” Christina asked with a laugh.

  Ingrid and Jason looked at her and shook their heads. “I want a chicken plate,” Jason said. “I come here for the food too.”

  “And what are you going to do when you leave Elmore and can’t get all of this home cooking,” Christina asked.

  Jason smiled and tweaked the end of her nose. “The same thing I’ve been doing for the past three years, ordering it on line.”

  Christina and Ingrid shared a look of shock. “You’ve been ordering from my restaurant all of these years?” she asked.

  Jason nodded. “At first, I had no idea you had anything to do with this place and then I ordered a red velvet cake for Christmas. I knew it was all you.”

  “I used to bake those all the time when we were younger,” she said in a far off voice.

  “And they are delicious as ever,” Jason said. “You wouldn’t happen to have some of that cake lying around, do you?”

  “No, I don’t, but if you’re extra nice to me, I might bake one.”

  Jason kissed Ingrid’s hand. “Thank you,” he said.

  While she smiled at him, Ingrid couldn’t help but wonder if she was making a mistake getting too close to him. At some point, she was going to have to tell him the truth and introduce him to his son. How would DeShawn feel about knowing the man he thought was his father wasn’t?

  And what about Jay Slade’s tour? His albums and recording career? How can you even think things are going to be any different this time around? Ingrid thought as she turned away from him.

  “Dina,” she called out. “I need a chicken plate with all the trimmings.”

  By the time the lunch rush was over, Ingrid was still wrangling a crowd at the restaurant because once again, the news of Jay Slade’s appearance at Soul To The Bone had made it through the Elmore grapevine. Ingrid was tempted to charge everyone five dollars to walk in and gawk at Jason. But Dina did a great job of selling pie and coffee to all of the people who came to stare. Jason slipped out of the back when people weren’t paying attention. Before he’d left, he had kissed Ingrid again, sweetly, thanking her for giving him another chance.

  It’s just a temporary thing, she thought as she walked back into the dining room. “So,” Christina said. “You two seem to be getting along better.”

  “Don’t start.”

  “I’m not starting a thing. You’re going out to dinner with him and going to his concert. I just want to know, when are you going to introduce him to DeShawn?”

  “Don’t start with me or I won’t save any ice cream for you,” Ingrid said.

  “I’m serious,” Christina said leaning into her friend. “If you’re giving him a second chance, he’s going to have to know what happened the first time around.”

  “I have stuff to do, so I’ve got to go.”

  “You can’t run forever,” Christina said. “What are you going to do when he sees that little boy?”

  “Bye,” Ingrid said as she reached underneath the counter and grabbed her purse. As she left the restaurant, a few of the women gave Ingrid a thumbs up sign for hooking Jay Slade. What they didn’t know was that she was afraid to face the truth about DeShawn. She didn’t want her son to have a temporary father and deal with the rejection that she felt when Jason decided his career was more important that their relationship. It had been hard for her as an adult and she could imagine how it would affect her son if his father left him for the glitz and glamour of the music world. “I shouldn’t even go out with him,” she mumbled as she got into her car. But Ingrid couldn’t deny how curious she was about being around Jason again. And she wondered if the passion and fire was still between them? Every time he kissed her, she felt something stirring in her soul, something that she wished could grow. But the road would be calling soon and Jason would have to promote his new music. Then she’d be alone again. Just live in the moment. Don’t think about a future with him because you know there isn’t one.

  Jason walked into his hotel room with a smile plastered on his face. Seeing Ingrid smile the way she did and not look at him like she wanted to tear his head off, made him hope that there was a chance for them to build a future. Knowing that he’d sent Ingrid enough roses, Jason decided that he was going to give her something special and something that would show how committed he was to her. He reached into his overnight bag and pulled out the three carat diamond engagement ring that he’d bought for her nearly four years ago. The night he’d intended to give it to her was the night that she’d left him in New York. Would she accept the ring and his promise? Jason knew they couldn’t just pick things up where they left off. But he wanted her to be his again in every way and he was going to make that happen. He was going to make up for the biggest mistake he’d ever made, he just prayed that Ingrid would allow him back in her life. Setting the ring aside, he headed for the shower to get ready for dinner.

  Once he was dressed in a pair of form fitting blue jeans, a vintage Jimi Hendrix tee shirt and a pair of leather sandals, Jason slipped the ring in his pocket and headed out the door. When he got to the lobby, Jason stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Ruby and Debony standing at the front desk. What the hell are they doing here? I thought I was going to have a little more time before I had to deal with them.

  “Jay Slade,” Debony said excitedly when she spotted him. “I’m so glad you came down to help me with my bags. Am I staying in your room?”

  Jason rolled his eyes at Debony, wondering when she’d give up the notion of the two of them being anything more than label mates. Maybe if he weren’t in love with Ingrid, the idea of being with Debony would intrigue him, but she wasn’t the woman he wanted. “I’ve got some place I have to be,” Jason said.

  Ruby turned around and shook her head. “I didn’t come all the way down here for you to ditch me.”

  “You’re early and I’m not changing my plans for you.”

  “When are we going to talk about this contest of yours? Remember it’s you that got me here.”

  Jason tugged at his locks, suddenly wishing Ruby would go away. “After the concert, now I’ve got to go.” He bolted out the door, it was nearly seven and he had no intentions of keeping Ingrid waiting.

  After tossing aside three outfits, Ingrid was still standing in the middle of her bedroom wi
th only her bra and panties on. “Damn it,” she swore under her breath. Just as she was about to say forget it, her cell phone rang.

  “Ingrid, are you dressed yet?” Christina asked.

  “No, I have nothing to wear. I’ve been going through this closet for an hour.”

  “I know you have a rainbow sundress in your closet. You’re going to the lake, right?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to . . .”

  “Ingrid, put on some clothes and get down there to see that man. While you’re at it, get your feet wet and do something you haven’t done since DeShawn was conceived.”

  “Nasty!” Ingrid said with a laugh. “Do you really think I’m that easy? If and that’s a big—no huge—if something happens with me and Jason, it will be on my terms.”

  “And what are those terms?” Christina asked.

  Ingrid looked up at the clock on the wall, “I have to go.”

  “Please do something I would do.”

  “I’m hanging up,” Ingrid said. She decided to wear the sundress Christina suggested and after putting it on, she realized she should’ve chosen the dress from the start. The soft cotton material clung to her curves and amplified her cleavage. Ingrid slipped her feet into a pair of white ballerina flats. Then she pulled her hair from the ponytail holder and brushed her thick tresses until it glistened. For the first time in months, she applied make up to her unblemished skin. Ingrid’s heart tingled as she thought about seeing Jason at the lake where their relationship came to life. Was tonight about the resurrection of their love?

  Stop dreaming. There’s too much hurt and too many lies to just pick up where we left off. He’s still Jay Slade. The only thing that’s different is the fact that he’s in town temporarily. Just go with the flow and don’t think about a future. Ingrid nodded at her reflection and headed to her car.

  It was five after seven when Ingrid arrived at the lake. She spotted Jason underneath the same weathered oak tree where they’d made love for the first time. She wished things could’ve remained simple and unchanged and their love uninterrupted. Reality set in and Jason made his choice.

  He started toward her, smiling at her as she stepped out of the car. “Wow, you look absolutely amazing,” Jason said once he was inches away from her. He took her hand in his and spun her around. “Lovely.”

  “You don’t have to lay it on that thick,” she said, though her heart was beating overtime at the touch of his hand.

  Jason led Ingrid over to the clearing where he had a blanket spread across the freshly cut grass. Laid out before her were all of her favorite treats, fresh watermelon, chocolate covered strawberries, cheddar cheese and wheat crackers, grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli.

  “This is nice,” she said.

  “I thought you would like it,” he said as he sat down and Ingrid followed suit. “Take your shoes off.”

  “Why?” she asked, although she knew Jason was going to give her a massage, like he’d always done when they were together.

  He smiled and leaned over her, removing her shoes from her feet. He wrapped his hands around her feet and started a slow massage. Ingrid closed her eyes, reveling in the comforting bliss he was delivering through his fingers. She remembered how Jason would always rub her feet before he’d give her news that she didn’t want to hear. Opening her eyes, she found him staring at her. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Nothing. I’m glad you came tonight. Now that we have a chance to be away from the prying eyes and ears of the town, we need to talk.”

  Ingrid tensed up immediately. Did he know about DeShawn? “Talk about what?”

  “Us.”

  Sighing, she ran her fingers though her hair. “There hasn’t been an “us” for a long time,” she replied quietly.

  “I wasn’t the one who got married,” he said with a bit of bitterness peppering his tone.

  “What was I supposed to do? All I kept seeing were images of you and Debony and Ruby kept telling me that you were sleeping with her. Whenever I wanted to talk to you, it was always the studio, rehearsal or a show. I knew I wasn’t wanted and I left. You made your choice.”

  Jason shook his head as he dropped her foot from his hands. “I sent my agent to get you and you turned him away.”

  Ingrid furrowed her brows. “What?”

  “John had a plane ticket for you the day after I got back and he was supposed to find you and bring you to the Atlanta show.”

  “He never came here. The only thing I got from you after I left New York was an ‘I told you so’ e-mail from Ruby with a picture of you and Debony kissing at a club in Atlanta.”

  “That scheming bi. . .When my show was over that night, Debony was waiting backstage with your e-mail to Ruby.”

  “I never sent that bitch an e-mail! Why would you even think I’d talk to her? If I had something to say to you before I saw those pictures I would’ve gotten in touch with you. But your cell phone number was changed and every time I tried to reach you, I got the run around. Especially from Ruby.”

  Jason leaned forward and took Ingrid’s face into his hands. “Is that why you turned to him?”

  No, I turned to him because I was pregnant and there was no way I could have my son alone. “We can’t change the past, my husband is dead.”

  “But did you love him?”

  “Yes,” she said. “It doesn’t matter now, Louis has been gone for nearly a year.”

  “How did you meet him?” Jason asked. The warmth from his breath made her spine tingle.

  “Jason,” she said turning her head away.

  “I spent a lot of time hating this man because he had the one thing that I wanted. At least tell me something about him. Am I going to be competing with a ghost to win you back?”

  She wanted to tell him the truth that her love for Louis was akin to a love for a brother. But why should she open up to him when he was only going to be in her life for a short period of time?

  “I don’t want to talk about Louis or disrespect his memory. He left a good life for me and DeShawn.”

  Jason nodded, seemingly reading between the lines but keeping silent about it. “Can I ask you something,” he said.

  “It doesn’t mean I’m going to answer, but go ahead,” she replied.

  He smiled and leaned even closer to her lips. “When he kissed you, did you think of me?” Before Ingrid could answer, Jason captured her lips and kissed her breath away. She fell against his chest, kissing his with the same vigor. In the back of her mind, she thought if she kissed him, she could take his questions away. She could make him think of something else and not her marriage.

  His hands inched up her thighs and she tensed at his touch. Could she make love to him? Was this moment really about the two of them or was he trying to compete with Louis’s memory?

  Pull back, her conscience cried out. But Ingrid continued to kiss him, her tongue dancing against his and her body tingled as his hand touched the v of her thighs.

  She was hotter than he remembered, Jason thought as he continued to kiss her senseless. Without thinking of what the feel of her wetness would do to his libido, Jason slipped his finger inside her. He shivered as she trembled. God, she was so tight, so hot and so wet. Jason wanted to bury himself inside her and watch her as she exploded. His erection nearly burst through his zipper. Leaning against her, he pressed his tongue deeper into her mouth. Ingrid groaned and shivered against him. Jason continued his probe with his finger, she was wetter and wetter. She squirmed underneath his touch and he wanted to become one with her, wanted to feel her tightness around him and swim in her hot fluids until he drowned from them. He pulled back from Ingrid, opening his eyes because he wanted to see the look of desire on her face. She was beautiful. The slight smile that curved her lips had haunted his dreams for the past few years. Jason stroked her cheek. “Ingrid,” he breathed. “I want you so badly.”

  Her eyes fluttered open. “Jason,” she replied breathlessly. “We know whatever we’re doing isn�
�t going to last.”

  “What?” he asked, pushing back from her.

  Ingrid expelled a frustrated breath. “Are you going to act as if three years ago didn’t happen? You’re an even bigger star now, Jason. How long can I expect you to stay in South Carolina? I accept that and I want you too.”

  He shook his head, hoping that he’d somehow misunderstood what Ingrid was saying to him. “You think I just want casual sex from you? Baby, if that was what I was after, I wouldn’t be here.”

  “Then why are you here, Jason?” she asked.

  “Because three years ago, I was an asshole and let you. . .”

  “How about you pushed me out of your life,” Ingrid interjected.

  Jason took her face in between his hands. “Either way, I was wrong and I should’ve been the man you married. I still love you and I’ve never stopped. I won’t leave until you tell me you feel the same way.”

  Chapter Seven

  Ingrid wanted to tell Jason that she loved him as much as she did the day she’d left New York. She wanted to confess that he was really her son’s father and that her marriage was in name only. But fear silenced her tongue. What if Jason chose his career again? He wouldn’t just be leaving her, but their son as well. It was bad enough that DeShawn had to deal with losing Louis, he couldn’t lose another father.

  “Jason, this isn’t going to work. While you’re here, I’m willing to play your game and be what you need, temporarily. I don’t need you to make promises that I know you can’t keep,” she said, though the words couldn’t have been further from the truth. Ingrid wanted to love him forever and have that life that they’d dreamed of all those years ago. But she couldn’t get past the pain and betrayal of having those dreams blow up in her face one more time.

  “Do you really such a low opinion of me? I wouldn’t be back in your life if. . .”